[A Beer a Day] Cantillon Fou' Foune Apricot Lambic | Brouwerij Cantillon | Brussels, BEL

Its like God designed it for doggy style.

An easy way to know if you are having a good day is just to compare it to one of mine and see if its similar.  And if in this comparison of yours, you have materialized a triple-sized pour of something crafted by Brouwerij Cantillon into your hands, then I would gamble that you were having a GREAT day.

The generous and kind and gifted (and every other superlative you can throw at them) people a Jester King endowed their assemblage at their 1st Anniversary Party with a huge beer boner in the form of Cantillon Fou' Foune -- a beer that has had only 3 kegs imported into the entire United States in the past year, and one of which sat here in this small microbrewery's taphouse as an absurdly benevolent and delicious gift to their patrons.

Cantillon is a very small, but very renowned, brewery established in the year 1900 and set in the beercore city of Brussels, Belgium.  The brewery specializes in Lambic beers and uses spontaneous fermentation to strengthen and sour their beers -- a process that remains unchanged since Cantillon opened for shenanigans more than a century ago.  Their availability is thin, and Fou' Foune in particular is dependently brewed based on the seasons apricot harvest.  That is to say, having such a beer in your near-grasp, waiting in an increasingly uneasy beer line, hoping against fate that the keg should blow as you survey the empty tulips being thrust forth by your line mates, is enough to make ones teeth itch.

To be born damned with a Grinch-like beer soul two sizes too small, was to hold out my tulip and be blessed with a Fou' Foune taster's pour three sizes too big!  While a needy line was brooding behind me, I proceeded to baptize my tongue in apricot prayers while Boris Karloff narrated my thoughts.  Its difficult to be sincerely objective with a beer so rare, but I'm certain that this stuff was magnificent regardless of all the allegories attached to the Cantillon Brewery.  Fou' Foune was not so much apricot onanism as it was an apricot orgy.  It was like species of different apricots attacking another species of apricots in an apricot War of the Alliance.  Kamikazee apricots vs. Guerrilla apricots vs. blitzkrieg apricots vs. some wide-flanking, hand-to-face, ass-kicking, vigilante apricots. This was like The Punisher, anti-hero of beers -- even if it is kind of a sissy-style lambic.

I mean, think to yourself for one second -- "how flippin' tasty are apricots in the first place?"  Like, really fucking good, right?  Add that recipe for success to a mf'ing beer potion and that's one A-bomb dropping glass of magic.

ABV: 5.o%
Acquired: Jester King Brewery guest tap
★★★★★★★★★★

[A Beer a Day] Bottle Share at Jester King Brewery

On Saturday, Melissa and I participated in a bottle share before the Jester King 1st Anniversary Party at their rather charming farmhouse brewery.  The way these things usually work -- at least with the small handful I've been to -- is that a small group of burly dorks bring a few rare bottles of beer to share with each other, as you sit around discussing shit that has fuck all to do with beer, but then also spend a few respectful minutes actually discussing anything relevant to the brew that makes one appear informed or palatially smart.  Since I can do neither of these cerabral-ish kind of things, I really like attending these to learn a thing or two, and get really fucking hammered on shit I can't get in this state.

However, this one was a bit different for me.  In the past, I've shared bottles with a few of the local micro-brewers around town at some sort of communal setting, like a food trailer park or wherever -- consisting of a maximum group of 5-10 people.  That allows for the aforementioned steadily-paced boozing while we leather the English language with expletives and dick jokes.

This one, however, was set up by the Beer Advocate guys from the Southwest region of the U.S.  Now, a couple of factors about this -- 1) the Beer Advocate website itself, is considered to be the nexus of beer nerds from across the world; 2) This tasting was being held as a precursor to a much anticipated and major beer event which is, like all the fucking rage in Austin at the moment -- Jester King Brewery's 1st Anny Party -- which had sold out well in advance of the event; 3) The Southwest region of this country has a tremendous dearth of renowned breweries who do not like to import into Texas for no reason other than the TABC sucks, and thus there is a constant scramble for interesting grabs from breweries hailing from major beer meccas like California, Oregon, Washington, Michigan, Wisconsin, and abroad; and 4) The cache of your contribution, according to these collection of beer nerds, is a reflection of the size of your beer wang.  And at these things, you kind of wear your cock on the outside of your pants.  And you also have to remember your dick jokes.

So, When you combine all of these factors into an hour of pre-party beer tasting, you get a frenzy of popping, grabbing, pouring, nomming, beard pulling and specs adjusting.  It was like a damn G8 summit of hopheads, complete with all the lather of dissonant Parisians banging the tables with sample glass soliciting.  That shit got cray.

Melissa and I brought our own portfolio to contribute -- a Jolly Pumpkin farmhouse Saison and a Bell's Two Hearted IPA that we'd had since our summertime Michigan trip.  We thought this would be an amicable offering to beer Jesus, and also appease the bros in a middling kind of way.  Nothing too screwy and nothing that we would miss or couldn't replace.  So we do the Trader Joe's 100% recycled material bag flop-out with our wares and get to boning some beers.

First up was ...

Guava Grove Saison | Cigar City Brewing | Tampa, FL

Did you know that Tampa is also knows as The Cigar City?  Nope.  Me either.  I don't know a damn thing about Tampa. Now did you know that Tampa is also known as the Big Guava, based on a satirical response to New York's pseudonym The Big Apple?  You can't know one without knowing the other, but I'm happy to report that I have been made aware of both because of this very awesome Saison that is fermented from pink guava puree.  I know exactly three things about Tampa now.  Probably two too many, but hey, I'm going to remember that I'm an idiot for waiting so long to try anything from Cigar City.

Despite being in guava's target demo, don't know shit about this mystery fruit.  It may as well had been durian, and I wouldn't have know the difference other than the smell of burning feet.  But you know what?  I'm glad it wasn't durian, because guava tasted pretty damn good as a footnote to a farmhouse ale. 

ABV: 9.o%
Acquired: Beer Advocate bottle share

★★★★★★★☆☆☆

Okay ... we've got our beer legs.  We're feeling a bit more confident in our surroundings.  We push out our Drink.Well. sampler glasses that we thoughtfully carried along to this fucking hayride.  And then ..

Marrón Acidifié Oud Bruin | The Bruery/Cigar City Brewing | Orange County, CA/Tampa, FL

So, I've been cuckoo for collabs ever since Jordan vs. Bird: One on One that set my 1988 on fire with some early EA Sports goodness.  These breweries aren't exactly the caliber of Michael or Larry -- yet (maybe more like a John Wall vs. Blake Griffin) -- but they are making their free throws and layups at a consistent clip, and this is very apparent with their rather outstanding oud bruin.  From an earlier blog entry, you would know how much I dislike ordinary browns ales -- but this sucker has been double fermented and barrel aged for a year, leaving a sour, leathery flavor that is everything that is the opposite of ordinary.  This stuff is an alley-oop from mid-court that would get the dunker ejected from the game because it made some comments that small children shouldn't hear.

ABV: 8.5%
Acquired: Beer Advocate bottle share

★★★★★★★★☆☆

After this second tasting -- and keep in mind here, things are going at warp-speed cos everyone's so damn excited to be popping their stashes -- we take a moment to evaluate the dozens and dozens of offerings sitting on the three picnic tables pushed together to accommodate the crowd of fifty-something fatsos.  There are many people casting their arms over other participants hunkering around the wooden benches like reels of ocean fisherman.  Everyone is grabbing, and talking, but no one is listening and no one is certainly laughing about penises.  We are frankly, chugging our stashes just to try to keep up and not miss out on anything marvelous ...

Oro de Calabaza Strong Golden Farmhouse Ale | Jolly Pumpkin Brewing | Traverse City, MI

Ah, shit.  I see my first Michigander.  And its a Jolly Pumpkin.  Win, fuckin win, as I like to say (but not type, as it gets supremely lost in translation -- i guess its just the way I say it that I really like).  I try to look around to see who would have possessed such a fine specimen, and offered its fruits to the thirsty sycophants.  Shit, everyone here looks like they're from Michigan.  Everyone has a beard and a gut.  Even most of the ladies.  Foiled.  But I still salute the imaginary Jolly Pumpkin fan and drink his/her beer.  I gulp it in two swallows.  It is great.

ABV: 8.o%
Acquired: Beer Advocate bottle share

★★★★★★★☆☆☆

Thats when we get to Melissa's and my offering to the masses ...

Bam Bière Saison | Jolly Pumpkin Brewing | Traverse City, MI

See?  See, imaginary Michigan friend?  I brought my Jolly Pumpkin too!  Show yourself, I say.  Let us skylark about the Midwest and revel about the finest square pizzas!  But everyone is too thirsty, and honestly, everyone is too wrapped into some heaver ABV Saisons to make an immediate impact on the table.  That's okay.  Bam is rated in the Top 25 beers in the world, so you all focus on sour collaboration macaroon cupcake pale stouts, while my bride and I sneak off with this bottle right quick. Muahahaha.  

Melissa and I pour full samplers and are happy that we did.  Jolly Pumpkin does not make a bad beer.  Ever.  And this is their flagship.  Want.

ABV: 4.5%
Acquired: Beer Advocate bottle share

★★★★★★★★☆☆

But as we're having depthless conversation with The Beards, I'm really sticking around because someone has provocatively left this sucker on the table, all biscuit-arsed, like.  No way I'm gonna go out grazing the tables while this hoe is showing me a little leg ...

Consecration Wild Ale | Russian River Brewing | Santa Rosa, CA

... and that's because Consecration is kind of my holy grail -- and is the beer I owe homage to for REALLY kick starting my heart in regards to fine craftsmanship.  I mean, I've always loved beer -- but I wasn't obsessed with seeking it out like i do now until I tasted this serum with Graham in The Mission's Monk's Kettle in San Francisco.  Talk about diving into the deep end.  

That weekend eventually ended in the awesomeness of the gnarliest dining experience in my life at Gamine, where Graham and I murdered what seemed like three dozen escargos, challenged the chef to sear our steaks the rarest that has ever been done in the city (he probably got pretty close), and tried to buy wine and desserts for the Sunday night staff, so that they would drink with us after shutting down the dining room around us.  I think I owe that spectacular weekend to Consecration.

But here I am straying.  The point is, is that this beer not only started my personal craze, but likely the wild sour ale fad that took over a whole industry.  Consecration is aged in Cabernet Savignon barrels with currant added to make it VERY tart and very delicious.  It is some sour-assed shit.  It is also delicious.  I could hardly wait to have Melissa try it, since it, again, completely elusive for we Texans.  I think it blew her mind -- beer that tastes kind of like wine.  If she could incorporate kale somehow, it would be good night moon.

ABV: 10.o%
Acquired: Beer Advocate bottle share

★★★★★★★★★★

Oh, look!  A tall boy!  It could only mean ... 

Coffee Bender | Surly Brewing | Brooklyn Center, MN

Yep.  That's what I suspected.  Someone in an Adrian Peterson home jersey brought this, I'm just sure of it.

I'd tried this one before when Michael Graham from Austin Beerworks hosted a bottle share -- but cans only! -- that I was a part of back before the aluminum revolution.  At that time, I thought Coffee Bender was the kind of beer that set the total accumulative amount of fucks at zero.  But then I had Austin Beerworks Sputnik, a Russian imperial coffee oatmeal stout, and all the sudden, Coffee Bender just tasted like some Costco blend.  In other words, Sputnik drink you!

(And I'm still tasting that burnt chipotle/jalapeno flavor when I'm drinking these coffee beers.  What the fuck is that flavor?  I'm puzzled by it.)

ABV: 5.1%
Acquired: Beer Advocate bottle share
★★★★★☆☆☆☆☆

Night Stalker Imperial Stout | Goose Island Brewing | Chicago, IL

I'm jumping a bit ahead here -- because I REALLY have got something special to show you, and I'm saving that for the finale -- but this was the final score of the hour-long tour through facial hair, chubby wrists, and high ABV% brews.  At this point, we've probably gulped about two pints of concentrated alcohol in about 45 minutes.  Melissa is talking jive and trying to foot race people -- but not before she finds this, God bless her.  

Goose Island is a wonderful, awesome, cozy, and ... I'll just say wonderful again -- brewery in Chicago that does some magical shit in all varieties of beer.  Their Belgians are outstanding, their bourbon barrel-aged series is fantastic, their vintage reserves are unparallelled, etc etc etc.  I can't talk enough about how awesome it would be if we could get any of their beers in Texas.  It would be a happy moment.  

Night Stalker is as rare as it is impossible to find -- as it is now sucking up their social security pension fund in retirement, playing a little tennis on the Wednesday mornings and staying in their house shoes til noon on Mondays.  Therefore, the fact that Melissa and I got our pour on with this bastard, was pretty special.  Its the closest thing to Deschutes The Abyss that I've tasted since ... Deschutes The Abyss.  And I think I was pretty clear about how I felt about The Abyss.

ABV: 11.7%
Acquired: Beer Advocate bottle share

★★★★★★★★★☆

But lets back up a bit, before I give you kids one last money shot of the damage we got did ...

Tactical Nuclear Penguin | Brew Dog Brewing | Fraserburgh, Scotland

That little 12oz unassuming bottle of petrol is none other than the former world-heavyweight beer of the world (also, an ordained minister, author, and casual metal detecting enthusiast) -- Tactical Nuclear Penguin.  The fabled retail price of this beer lies somewhere between the $60-$70 range, and then begins to get absurd on the secondary market.  So, when I get rumor of its immediate availability, I don't know whether to scratch my watch or wind my arse.  There is no way I'm going to miss out on such a stupidly generous offer since I'm not really at the point in my life where i can spend $50-$115 on 12 ounces of anything not labeled Jo Malone or LSD, and especially not on bottles of gimmick beer. 

Well, how did it taste?  

Like a bottle of something containing 32% alcohol and grain.  Mostly like shit at first, then you ease into it.  Then it gets palatable, and finally something approaching decent.  But not $70/good!  TNP was once the world's strongest beer, before some Krauts invented a 40%-er, and then Brew Dog pulled out their dicks again, and made a 41% beer (and then again, with a 55% brew).  But whatever.  The point is, i think, is I'm very glad I got to try it, since the opportunity will likely never arise again. 

So, I thank-you mystery millionaire! 

ABV: 32%
Acquired: Beer Advocate bottle share 
★★★★☆☆☆☆☆☆

And thank-you BA/Jester King for hosting such a killer party.  See you in a year!

We had to get our team of monkeys on this right away.

[A Beer a Day] Shiner Wild Hare Pale Ale (103) | Spoetzl Brewing | Shiner, TX

Spoetzl's first ale; what an imagination on these brewers.

If you are from Texas, or have friends who are Texans, or maybe passed through I-10 on your way out west for some far reaching dream of being a Hollywood starlet, you have no doubt been goaded into drinking the yellow bellied serum of Spoetzl's flagship beer, Shiner Bock.  Its one of those things, where its not exactly a great beer, or even a Bock at that, but more of an experience.  People in Texas like for all of our dear guests to be saturated in our traditions -- no matter how slight, and Shiner Bock is about somewhere near the top 10 of "oh-you-just-have-to's" that we like to brow-beat people with.  Drinking Shiner Bock is not so much a thirst quencher, or a means to an drunken night on 6th, as it is something we all identified with as our National Beer of Texas -- long, LONG before Lone Star thought up their little marketing artifice.

The truth is, nobody in Texas gave a squirt of piss about drinking Lone Star up until a few years ago, when it arrived with vintage packaging and a subscription to Blender.  Shiner was our home state brew, and we drank it with hunger.

Well, as Shiner Bock devolved into second rate beer -- or at least our palate evolved towards something beyond a 7th graders, we looked outward to other flavors from around the states.  Hell, I see more Miller Lites being swallowed downtown lately than Shiner.  So, what Shiner did was re-imagine something beyond  their staple -- landmark as it was -- and try to lure us all back with their anniversary series.  Since 2005, Shiner has released a series of special brews that pay homage to their Czech/German roots that is so prevalent in Central Texas.  The list looks like this:


Shiner 96 - Marzen Octoberfest
Shiner 97 - Bohemian Black Lager
Shiner 98 - Bavarian Style Amber
Shiner 99 - Munich Style Helles Lager
Shiner 100 - Commemorator Starkbier
Shiner 101 - Czech Style Pilsner
Shiner 102 - American Style Double Wheat Ale


At initial viewing, that looks like an awesome and impressive list -- except that Shiner doesn't exactly brew with inspiration.  Most of these were just macro-brewed sorta "suggestions" of their styles.  While I appreciate the portal they tried to beam up through into the modern era of brewing, many of them just fell very flat.  [Note:  Shiner 97 and Shiner 99 were spectacular and fantastic -- and they made the Bohemian Black Lager a permanent brew on their rotation.  The Shiner 99 recipe, unfortunately, fell into the gimmick that was called Shiner Smokehaus -- a nice brew to try, but terrible for sustained drinking].

I am delighted to report that Shiner 103, the Wild Hare Pale Ale, might have put Spoetzl back in black.  I can now scratch them off my "People to Kill" list and apply my lipstick with blessed relief.

Shiner Wild Hare Pale Ale is just the kind of inspired brewing that they've been missing for too many years.  Its Texas hoppy, and by that, its not a mouthful of California-style hopped pales like Sierra Nevada.  Its fruity enough to tame the hopmonster -- something like squishy peaches (a flavor they favor WAAAY too much in their seasonals -- but tread lightly here) and a touch of spice.  Again, its balanced.  Its neither too hopped, too fruity, or too spicy.  Just a pretty damn good effort from a brewer who temporarily lost sight of its target market.  Traditionalists.

ABV: 5.7%
Acquired: Spec's 
★★★★★★☆☆☆☆

[A Beer a Day] Das Wonderkind Wine Barrel Aged Sour Saison | Jester King Brewing | Austin, TX

Das Scheiße

And here is the latest from brewers-savant, Jester King Brewery ... a true farmhouse set in the brush of this fair burg, Austin, Texas.

Now I'm a bit of a Jester King fanboy -- their Black Metal Imperial Stout being one of the highlights of 2011, but their brewing philosophy is such that it would make Jolly Pumkin a proud Jedi to their Patawan learner.  Jester King has made a sour beer that would hold up to the few -- VERY few -- wild ale brewers in the United States.

Das Wonderkind has plenty of the characteristic tart -- maybe immature peaches, bananas, and lemon -- but finishes like a beer that has had time to get settled in -- like that Cheez-Its commercial that I laugh at every time.  Whence, only two months ago, Das Wonderkind was all "Knock Knock", "Who's there" "Interrupting Beer. "Interrupting Bee-" "INTERRUPTING BEEEEEEER LULZ" --  now its asserting, "Good morning sir, beautiful day, isn't it"?

And indeed, with Das Wonderkind, it is.

ABV: 4.2%
Acquired: An Austin bottle store
★★★★★★★☆☆☆

[A Beer a Day] Dragon's Milk Oak Barrel Aged Stout | New Holland Brewing | Holland, MI

I first tried Dragon's Milk two Christmases ago in a dank, woodsy, and otherwise awesome townie bar called Paul Revere's in East Lansing, Michigan, which, according to their website serves 16 draft beers, including Bud, Bud Light, Labatt's, and 13 other seasonal micro-brews.

Now, you just gotta love a place that pimps their Macros with size 18 font, but is a bit too bashful to boast about, I dunno, fucking New Holland's Oak Barrel Aged Milk Stout on draft -- as if, in a major beer state like Michigan, the locals just cannot be bothered with that kinda shit, so just ask your server just what the seasonals are and you might find one you enjoy, is that okay?

Yep.  Michigan is so ridiculously enriched with great brewers and their commodities that beers like Dragon's Milk are not as aggrandized as someone in another less-worthy state might be.  Because for all intents and purposes, Dragon's Milk is on par with other barrel aged stouts like Brooklyn Black Ops and Deschutes The Abyss.  And because it was the first ever barrel-aged anything I'd ever tried -- tucked away in a VERY dimly lit bar/grill resembling an old Pelican's, staring at our counterparts 15 feet away at one of those spectacular circular bars that housed someone you can accurately call a Bar Maid, while the snow continued to drive upon itself outside -- its hard to ever consider that this is not my first true Stout crush, despite not being as stacked as The Abyss or as sexy as Black Ops.

ABV: 10.o%
Acquired: Merchant's Fine Wine, Detroit
★★★★★★★★☆☆